in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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