i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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