Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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