how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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