I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
