I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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