pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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