I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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