Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
