My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
