I CAN MOONWALK!
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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