Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
