Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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