oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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