This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
