Ambien. No doubt about it.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
