As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
