i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He did a backflip because drugs
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
