Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
