Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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