the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
