I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
