Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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