My boss' voice literally gives me gas
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
