No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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