I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
