That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
