onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
