so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
