I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
