am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
