I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
