Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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