When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
