what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
