I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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