remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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