I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
