why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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