I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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