Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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