Ambien. No doubt about it.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
