He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
