He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
