I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
