Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
