I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
