You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
