Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
