she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
it was like his penis was on wheels.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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