I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
