i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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