your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
