Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
