i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
