omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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