Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
