Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
