you would pick up someone in the library
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
