well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
