I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
