i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
