Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
